My kids are teenagers. My oldest is 17, starting to think about college and drives. My youngest is 15 (soon to be 16) and does not have his license. I stayed home with my kids until my youngest was in kindergarten. I am like most moms, I suspect. My kids were born, but are still very much a part of me. They hurt - I hurt. They are happy - I am happy. Over the last few years, I have been coming to terms with the fact that I will soon be living in a house without kids. Empty nest, I guess. I think that I am doing pretty well in that department. My husband and I plan fun things to do. I have my knitting and my work to sink my teeth in to. But there has been this sneaking feeling of something not so good lurking around the corner. Last night, I felt first hand and came face to face with what that thing is.
I am no longer able to protect them.
When they were little and fell, I was usually around to help soften the blow. If I was lucky enough to reach out in time, I might even have been able to help them avert the fall entirely. Not any more. As I mentioned, my daughter drives. She and her friends were on their way home last night from Milwaukee and blew a tire. I received a call from her at about 9:30 pm. They were about 45 min. away from me. Her cell phone had died (she has a charger - but she left it in her room!!) so she was on a friend's phone. I got up to go get them immediately. One of the other kids' parents got there first. They were ok and a spare tire was installed. Everyone went on their way. Crisis with the potential to be really big, was handled well and no one was hurt. But it really made me think. Before she called, I was watching a movie, knitting, enjoying the time to myself and thinking that I had a handle on this empty nest thing. Life could be really fun and a whole new chapter was before me. Then the call and the realization that I have no way to see to it that they stay safe.
How do I balance this?
I am reminding myself today that although I can't be there to catch them, they do have all of the lessons that their dad and I tried to teach them. Maybe they were listening. Maybe not. But I can't stand in the way of their growing independence because I am afraid of what that might bring for them. For me. My role with them is changing about as fast as ever. I need to get up to speed. Freedom is an inalienable right.
P.
